Monday, October 18, 2010

day 46: i considered the downsides

In light of my recent and very necessary decision to take a brief hiatus from booze, I've recorded some of the reasons drinking sucks.

5 things it sucks to do sober:
  1. Socializing with large groups of people and/or people you don't know very well and/or people you think are cooler than you.
  2. Singing karaoke.
  3. Spending the night anywhere without a bed or a toothbrush.
  4. Dancing.
  5. Cooking dinner, cleaning the cat box or watching football.
get laid glasses
partying at the Red Balloon circa 2006.
those are the "I'ma gonna get laid tonight" glasses.
i found them on the sidewalk.

5 things it sucks to do drunk:
  1. Going through your phone book and dialing up anyone you think might be thrilled to hear from you at 1 a.m. on a Wednesday, which happens to be everyone.
  2. Buying a frozen pizza, covering it in hot sauce and eating the whole thing in bed.
  3. Getting to that "special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk, you know, the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyways because, I mean come on, you got to get your car home, right?" -Peter Griffin, Family Guy
  4. Encountering the cops under any circumstances.
  5. Doing yoga.
5 things it sucks to do hungover:
  1. Sitting up straight.
  2. Wearing pants.
  3. Taking a shower.
  4. Communicating in any terms more complex than grunts and whimpers.
  5. Eating five tortillas covered with melted cheese and salsa followed by an entire box of rice noodles because there's nothing else in your fridge and your hunger is deep and insatiable.

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