day 3: i dove into the abyss

First I should clarify that by “abyss” I mean “the space between the stove and the counter,” and by “dove into” I mean “cleaned.” *

I have been meaning to do this for years, but every time I’ve considered it my overwhelming fear of rotting food – my ex-boyfriend once chased me around our apartment with a molding jack-o-lantern, and I locked myself in the bathroom until he promised to take it to the dumpster – has forced me to stay away from the space into which I’ve seen egg shells, tofu, carrots, zucchini, etc. disappear as though entering the Bermuda Triangle.

I pull out the stove to discover this:

Though I have lived here for three years and am embarrassed to have contributed to this mess that appears equal parts furry and crusty, it isn’t all my fault; the abyss was already the grayish non-color of decaying organic matter when I moved in.

Close up:

Seriously, what the fuck is that? It looks like a mushroom, some croutons, and sadness.

After sweeping the (I get a little gaggy just typing this) chunks of food into the trash, I attack the space with bleach. I am horrified – and no, it’s not too strong of a word – to discover an ancient bag of mouse poison next to one of the “best friend” jelly bracelets I wore when I dressed as a Person of Wal-Mart for Halloween. After collecting myself and wondering what percentage of the filth constitutes mouse droppings, I wipe the floor and end up with this:

Not perfect, but much better.

*I know this isn’t exciting at all. But if I’m going to try something new EVERY DAY, they aren’t all going to go over like gangbusters.